Love

I've been thinking a lot about love lately.  My parents' love toward one another, God's love toward me, and I've been noticing all the ways I know love should be and should't be.  I've probably been thinking about it so much because, honestly, since I am in college now it is good to have a solid understanding of what true love is for when I meet someone and get married.  Actually, I have met someone...I did in January and he is pretty neat : )  So especially for that reason I have been trying to figure out what it really means to love someone like God wants us to, and how you know you love someone enough to pursue marriage.  It's so much all at once and a situation I need to be very careful with and take time in.  But as I have listened to songs, sermons, and just noticed things through others, I have come to some conclusions about what true love is and being in a strong and lasting relationship.  I know one big part of it is overlooking if need be, and definitely forgiving the other person if they do something that hurts you.  Also, he/she doesn't always know what they did wrong or what makes you offended or hurt.  That is why communication is so very important.  If two people can't communicate, then there is little hope, let me tell you.  And it is true that the girl will do most of the initiating, but after that it is the man's job to listen well and respond in loving her, while the lady of course bring things to his attention with respect.  God made men to really desire respect, and women to desire love, and it's so important that each gives to the other what he/she needs.  But it doesn't come easily - it takes a lot of observation, mistakes, and research of the other person to learn how to love and respect them best.  That process probably really never ends, but that is how love is - it's a constant action. 

One very significant factor in loving someone is that it is not about what they give you, but what you give UP for them.  When I love someone I am making an intentional decision to put their needs above my own, no matter how many countless times it needs to be done.  That is what God does for us.  True love is patient and never fails.  When i am married, I know and am convinced by watching my parents : ) that my spouse will not fulfill my emotional needs and will "fail" me all the time.  We will have arguments, too.  There may be days when I absolutely do not like him, but....I will still love him, because God gave us that capability and love trumps any lack of good feeling.  It's a decision and a sacrifice, but I am very excited for the day when I can fully commit to one man and love him God's way.  To do this, though, it is crucial that my love and devotion to God comes first and I rely on HIM for love most of all.  Like I said, humans fail and spouses are not perfect.  If I idolize any man and look to him for my fulfillment I will surely fail in loving them, but be overcome by selfishness and a lack of joy.  God always satisfies.  And that goes for any relationship, whether it just be friendship, romantic, or otherwise - not just those who are married. 

Something else I have noticed is that a good indicator that someone is right for you (before marriage) is whether or not the time you spend with them is beneficial or not.  If the time you spend with them is uplifting, joyful, and he/she brings you closer to loving God, that's awesome.  But if not, then, well, maybe it isn't healthy to be with them.  

Now before this gets too long, I want to say one more thing.  True love comes slowly.  Guard your heart and get to know the person before you just jump right into a relationship.  In time you start to learn things about the them that are good, but some things that are bad also.  Someone is not always who they seem to be at first.  They aren't even themselves all the time when they are alone with you because at that time they want to be on their best behavior and it's hard to see what they really are like.  How someone interacts with and loves others is very important, as well as seeing how they respond to things and what their opinions are.  Anyway, it's fine to like someone but take your time in getting to know them before you make any big decision.  Choosing the person you marry is the second biggest decision in your life, and when you commit to dating someone that automatically SHOULD be saying..."I want to pursue marriage with you and see if we can make a life together".  But before dating, I mean, you should have a pretty good idea of who the other person is and know you want to be committed to that.  Anyway, what I was trying to say at the beginning was that at first, it's okay if your love for someone is not a head over heels, I know I want to be with this person love, right away.  These are some lyrics to one of my favorite songs that give a good example of what I'm trying to get across.

"It may not be red as the roses yet.

It may not be wide as an old oak tree,

But love planted deeply becomes what it ought to be."

Firmly establishing a storng friendship with someone, and knowing them spiritually and emotionally is really important.  By not skipping that, not going straight for the physical and feel good aspect of a relationship, is crucial.  The passion and physical intimacy needs to come later and it will, but waiting for that time is something called delayed gratification and it's not always the easiest things to do, but by building that strong foundation first, it will be so much sweeter later one and you will know the person is one you really love and respect.  So waiting is vital, but also, if you are at first a little unsure of whether or not you REALLy like someone, that's okay.  It takes time sometimes, but if you wait, take it slow, and later realize you do love that person, it will be so great, and if not, well then you won't have gotten hurt by that because you guarded your heart and didn't get too attached. 

Anyway, I have a lot to say on this subject!  Maybe I will write more later, but for not that's it, folks : )