On Keeping A Notebook
My roommate made apple pie. This is not a good thing because I think I can literally hear it calling my name from every square foot in my apartment! And I am weak. I actually just gave in. However, I am determined to not eat sugar for at least two weeks starting now! - this very second. Anyway, that is not why I put my fingers to work typing. I wouldn't hurt me to be doing my homework right now, but seeing as I have to go to bed in thirty-seven minutes and I've been itching to write for a couple weeks now, I figured I could muster something at least slightly interesting or intelligent to say. Bear with me, if you will.
I have been thinking lately (hmm, it's not as if I can help it - duh) about a lot of things, and I've had the unfortunate experience of realizing that without a notebook to write my revelations down in, I often forget about them, letting them drift overseas where someone else may perhaps stumble upon them. Alas, it's my loss. I've decided that the next time I go to the store I am going to buy a beautiful notebook to keep my thoughts, dreams, and experiences in - like a treasure box. Because who knows when I will need them later in life, or wish that I had a piece of my old perspective and self when I am eighty. I do not want to forget who I am now, and in five years, and in ten. I do not want to forget what I feel when I listen to my favorite artist, because 50 years from now, when I am sad and not knowledgeable about music anymore, I will remember that one song I used to listen to when I was a sophomore in college and smile. To give a more clear picture of what I mean, I offer a quote - listen carefully - "We forget all to soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were." Isn't it true? In many ways it is good to "forget" who you were as child, or even in high school, because it is good and natural for us to mature and grow. It is also good for us to move on from mistakes or old bad habits. However, I found myself feeling very strange after reading that quote. I questioned whether or not the Joanna I am now, as compared to a couple years ago, is more or less likeable, bubbly, friendly, etc. Are the people and the setting around me affecting me in positive ways that are helping me to become a better leader, better friend, better servant? Or have I lost the ability to use and maintain some attributes I had in high school?
Thinking about it, I would have to say both. Being in college makes it harder for me to get involved and use social and leadership skills, because I don't have very much time and I live off-campus. I think I am not always as silly as I'd like to be, either, and I also have a hard time voicing my opinions for fear they are inferior or irrelevant to the conversation in the classroom. I've also been distracted from God a couple times by certain people and stressful situations.
All that to say, though, I will say this. The benefits and growth I've obtained from being separated from my family and working through my faith without the opinions and shelter of my own home has increased my faith enormously, at least to me. And when I say faith, I mean real faith - doubts, questions and all, but with it a greater submission to and satisfaction in my Father, and a greater confidence in His love for me.
Back to this idea of a journal, though. Like I said, I don't want to forget the little things. The big picture of how God works in our lives is the most important thing - that's like when you look at a finished puzzle and just take it all in in one look. But if you look close you see how each piece fits the ones around it - how the duck's bill connects to the piece with the left corner of the kilt and you're like, "That's funny. I never would have thought those connected but somehow they belong together." But that's just it, God works in unexpected ways. That was the worst analogy I've ever heard of but I just used it, anyway, haha : ) My point is that I've already lost so many of the crazy things I've done and treasured, and I don't want to lose any more. I want to preserve the things God told me, the places I went, the people I met, and then be able to look back and see how God beautifully orchestrated my life into His will and His glory.
I want to leave with this - another quote, and somewhat more relevant to you than the previous rambling I just displayed. A man has long kept a diary. He opens it up one day, selects a random page, and behold - a recipe for sauerkraut. This is what he says.
"It all comes back. Even that recipe for sauerkraut; even that brings it back. I was on Fire Island when I first made that sauerkraut, and it was raining, and we drank a lot of bourbon and ate the sauerkraut and went to bed at ten, and I listened to the rain and the Atlantic and felt safe."
That's JUST it. One word, one recipe, can be equal to a thousand words - a whole day of memories! That is the POWER that words can hold, isn't that amazing? I think so, and I plan to take advantage! Gotta buy that notebook : )
I have been thinking lately (hmm, it's not as if I can help it - duh) about a lot of things, and I've had the unfortunate experience of realizing that without a notebook to write my revelations down in, I often forget about them, letting them drift overseas where someone else may perhaps stumble upon them. Alas, it's my loss. I've decided that the next time I go to the store I am going to buy a beautiful notebook to keep my thoughts, dreams, and experiences in - like a treasure box. Because who knows when I will need them later in life, or wish that I had a piece of my old perspective and self when I am eighty. I do not want to forget who I am now, and in five years, and in ten. I do not want to forget what I feel when I listen to my favorite artist, because 50 years from now, when I am sad and not knowledgeable about music anymore, I will remember that one song I used to listen to when I was a sophomore in college and smile. To give a more clear picture of what I mean, I offer a quote - listen carefully - "We forget all to soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were." Isn't it true? In many ways it is good to "forget" who you were as child, or even in high school, because it is good and natural for us to mature and grow. It is also good for us to move on from mistakes or old bad habits. However, I found myself feeling very strange after reading that quote. I questioned whether or not the Joanna I am now, as compared to a couple years ago, is more or less likeable, bubbly, friendly, etc. Are the people and the setting around me affecting me in positive ways that are helping me to become a better leader, better friend, better servant? Or have I lost the ability to use and maintain some attributes I had in high school?
Thinking about it, I would have to say both. Being in college makes it harder for me to get involved and use social and leadership skills, because I don't have very much time and I live off-campus. I think I am not always as silly as I'd like to be, either, and I also have a hard time voicing my opinions for fear they are inferior or irrelevant to the conversation in the classroom. I've also been distracted from God a couple times by certain people and stressful situations.
All that to say, though, I will say this. The benefits and growth I've obtained from being separated from my family and working through my faith without the opinions and shelter of my own home has increased my faith enormously, at least to me. And when I say faith, I mean real faith - doubts, questions and all, but with it a greater submission to and satisfaction in my Father, and a greater confidence in His love for me.
Back to this idea of a journal, though. Like I said, I don't want to forget the little things. The big picture of how God works in our lives is the most important thing - that's like when you look at a finished puzzle and just take it all in in one look. But if you look close you see how each piece fits the ones around it - how the duck's bill connects to the piece with the left corner of the kilt and you're like, "That's funny. I never would have thought those connected but somehow they belong together." But that's just it, God works in unexpected ways. That was the worst analogy I've ever heard of but I just used it, anyway, haha : ) My point is that I've already lost so many of the crazy things I've done and treasured, and I don't want to lose any more. I want to preserve the things God told me, the places I went, the people I met, and then be able to look back and see how God beautifully orchestrated my life into His will and His glory.
I want to leave with this - another quote, and somewhat more relevant to you than the previous rambling I just displayed. A man has long kept a diary. He opens it up one day, selects a random page, and behold - a recipe for sauerkraut. This is what he says.
"It all comes back. Even that recipe for sauerkraut; even that brings it back. I was on Fire Island when I first made that sauerkraut, and it was raining, and we drank a lot of bourbon and ate the sauerkraut and went to bed at ten, and I listened to the rain and the Atlantic and felt safe."
That's JUST it. One word, one recipe, can be equal to a thousand words - a whole day of memories! That is the POWER that words can hold, isn't that amazing? I think so, and I plan to take advantage! Gotta buy that notebook : )
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