Thou Art My Refuge
This summer has been hard so far. Not having a job is difficult and I owe some money to my school that I don't have right now (and I could have prevented it if I'd only read the instructions for summer dorms all the way through). So I'm moving back home to Olympia until my nanny job starts. I know that God will be with me through this, but my irresponsibility with the dorm situation has it's consequences I have to face. Luckily, I have been offered work in Olympia by some kind family friends - mostly weeding and housecleaning so far - for which I am very grateful. I am beginning to see, however, that what my dad has tried to tell me for so many years is actually very true. If you don't look ahead, there are consequences. Plan for the unexpected and don't assume everything will always go perfectly.
Sometimes it does, but not always. A good lesson to learn.
Being in a relationship has been a challenge, too. At times I have felt very disheartened, hurt, afraid. I wouldn't say that I necessarily have a lot of "baggage", but it's definitely brought out some ugly, selfish things in me that I didn't know were still there. I asked God to help guide me into the person He wants me to be. Maybe to do that He has to go way back into my past and uncover some dark places - bring them into the light so they can be dealt with - before I can really move forward. Being in a relationship with Wilson has certainly been a means for that to happen. I count it a blessing, to have my flaws be brought into the light; although, it also comes with shame and doubt. It's a fight to hope, to seek Him, when I feel so unworthy.
But, as George MacDonald says: "That man is perfect in faith who can come to God in the utter dearth of his feelings and desires, without a glow or an inspiration, with the weight of low thoughts, failures, neglects, and wandering forgetfulness, and say to Him, 'Thou art my refuge.'"
And that will be my prayer. Through this refining fire and time of questioning, He is my constant refuge.
Sometimes it does, but not always. A good lesson to learn.
Being in a relationship has been a challenge, too. At times I have felt very disheartened, hurt, afraid. I wouldn't say that I necessarily have a lot of "baggage", but it's definitely brought out some ugly, selfish things in me that I didn't know were still there. I asked God to help guide me into the person He wants me to be. Maybe to do that He has to go way back into my past and uncover some dark places - bring them into the light so they can be dealt with - before I can really move forward. Being in a relationship with Wilson has certainly been a means for that to happen. I count it a blessing, to have my flaws be brought into the light; although, it also comes with shame and doubt. It's a fight to hope, to seek Him, when I feel so unworthy.
But, as George MacDonald says: "That man is perfect in faith who can come to God in the utter dearth of his feelings and desires, without a glow or an inspiration, with the weight of low thoughts, failures, neglects, and wandering forgetfulness, and say to Him, 'Thou art my refuge.'"
And that will be my prayer. Through this refining fire and time of questioning, He is my constant refuge.
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