My Long Distance Existence

I am a plate of spaghetti. Most women are, according to my dad. I can juggle priorities in my life and heart without having to focus on one thing at a time. Everything’s jumbled together, interwoven inside my mind, just like spaghetti. Currently, I’ve been juggling two major life priorities: 

1) working at a Christian ministry called AXIS in Colorado and 

2) investing in my boyfriend who lives 1400 miles away. 

Although I thoroughly enjoy (as my team director always says) being an intern at AXIS, what I really want to talk about is what it’s like being in a long-distance relationship. Possibly I can give a few tips? Possibly not : ) I mention having to balance two priorities because for those of us enduring long-distance relationships, we probably are doing so either because we’re crazy or because it’s necessary … or both! In my case, I chose to live in Colorado for a year because God told me to. It was necessary, but upon deciding I certainly thought I was crazy.

But I gotta tell ya, looking out the window I can confidently say Colorado really isn’t so bad : ) The sky just dusted the mountains with snow and it’s stunning.

Hey, I think that can serve as a transition into my first random point! While separated from the one you love, keep your eyes open. Obviously, you should always keep your eyes open unless you want to trip or slice your fingers while cutting a mango, but seriously. God gives so many good gifts and He has little surprises in each day waiting for you. You just have to be willing to receive them for what they are. For instance, I went on a hike this morning and God was waiting for me. It was a glorious time of worship and beauty that I felt He had planned just for me. I felt so close to Him.

However, sometimes I don’t bother to search for the beauty in a day. Sometimes I wallow. Skype is great, people, but my heart oftentimes aches for the presence of the one I love. I knew long distance would be difficult, but it’s exceeded my expectations ; ) I’m thankful for technology like Skype, but differing schedules and lack of time is hard. Also, I’ve found that the longer it’s been since I last saw Wilson in person, the harder it is to talk with him. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, which I believe is true! However, distance also means you don’t experience things together, making for fewer conversation topics. I can think of a few times I’ve become very discouraged that I can’t think of things to talk about with Wilson. Sure, we can say what happened in our day, but that only last so long. Thankfully, conversational doldrums don’t mean you don’t love each other anymore! It just means you have to be creative and be really intentional.

Visiting each other often is important if possible. It brings refreshment and rejuvenation – renewed energy to last weeks! Just know that it is a furious cycle. Nonetheless, it’s a battle that’s already made Wilson and I stronger, more patient people. I feel kind of like Sam in Lord of the Rings: “There’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it’s worth fighting for”. We will return to the Shire one day!

That’s the thing – long-distance relationship are a fight not to be taken lightly. I’ve learned that intentionality and grace really are of ultimate importance. I have to be purposeful to fill up Wilson’s “love tank”, and he does the same for me. Intentionality for us looks like making sure to pray with each other before bed, writing letters, Skyping when we can, taking small moments to send nice/encouraging texts, and working on a writing project together via email. We’ve also had a couple movie dates via Skype, which were actually really fun (tip: use headphones). Right now we’re watching the new season of Downton Abbey! Yes!

Still, in the midst of prioritizing Wilson, the truth is that I’m busy, and for good reason. It’s important for me to invest in my job and family at AXIS. Wilson has a job, too, and new church family. That’s why extending grace is necessary. We can’t always give each other as much quality time as we’d like; thus, communicating about our schedules and feelings is very important. Your relationship is only as good as your communication. Not necessarily the frequency, but the honesty and grace that you bring to it.

I guess those are my main thoughts for now. If you made it to the end for some reason, thanks for reading!