Confessions of a Martha
"And Jesus answered and said to her, 'Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her'." - Luke 10:41,42
I've known it for a while, but continue to avoid the fact that distracting myself with chores isn't the answer. Keeping my house clean (which is a mystery I still haven't solved) isn't getting me any closer to Jesus. Cleanliness isn't really close to godliness. Unless, of course, you're talking about the inside of a person being clean. A heart being clean, and light, which mine hasn't been.
When Jesus tells Martha that she is worried and troubled about many things, I feel exactly what He is talking about. I have been troubled about many things, too. About decisions, about letting people down, about my purpose or feeling purposeless, feeling lonely . . . sad and empty for no reason. And yet I'm still very busy. I'm serving a lot, whether it be my husband, our church, or the kids I work with. Jesus has been trying to tell me that there's only one thing that matters, though. I just haven't felt enough peace to sit still and listen.
You know, it's not just serving that's been holding the Mary in me a prisoner. I admit it's also been technology. And to think for a year I talked to kids about how to not let technology control you, but to control it. Well, I've let it take too much of my life. I finally realized my soul was aching and shrinking because it wasn't being given the rest and life-giving moments it craves so much.
Like sipping a cup of coffee with a good book. Take "Suprised By Joy" for example. This morning was the first time in a long time I've given myself the luxury of stillness with C.S. Lewis. Stillness with anything, in fact. I even made myself coffee. And I know that for me this is rest. The real kind, that fills a person up with strength and gratefulness.
And the Mary in me is actually able to catch a breath this morning. To catch a break. Because she's been locked up far too long, as cruel as that sounds. But sometimes people can be cruel to themselves. I know rest and time with Jesus is so desperately necessary for me to live joyfully and vibrantly. I want to choose the "good part" like Mary did. I want to choose Jesus' presence, the one thing that can not be taken away from me, but is a lasting gift.
He is the one thing that is needed. Such a simple statement. But one that requires such intentionality amidst aaalll the other distractions and to do lists in my life. One thing I do know, is that going from Martha to Mary is not an overnight switch. But I think Jesus can be found in simple things, and small steps, like taking time to make coffee and listen to worship. Taking time to write down thoughts about how I've been living, like I am right now. Taking time to rest, and grow.
"God is gracious". That's what my name, Joanna, means. And His grace surely goes with me wherever I go. It always has. And even in my sad, weak, and altogether pitiful times, He finds a way to remind me that I am His. All my days, Jesus, I am Yours.
I've known it for a while, but continue to avoid the fact that distracting myself with chores isn't the answer. Keeping my house clean (which is a mystery I still haven't solved) isn't getting me any closer to Jesus. Cleanliness isn't really close to godliness. Unless, of course, you're talking about the inside of a person being clean. A heart being clean, and light, which mine hasn't been.
When Jesus tells Martha that she is worried and troubled about many things, I feel exactly what He is talking about. I have been troubled about many things, too. About decisions, about letting people down, about my purpose or feeling purposeless, feeling lonely . . . sad and empty for no reason. And yet I'm still very busy. I'm serving a lot, whether it be my husband, our church, or the kids I work with. Jesus has been trying to tell me that there's only one thing that matters, though. I just haven't felt enough peace to sit still and listen.
You know, it's not just serving that's been holding the Mary in me a prisoner. I admit it's also been technology. And to think for a year I talked to kids about how to not let technology control you, but to control it. Well, I've let it take too much of my life. I finally realized my soul was aching and shrinking because it wasn't being given the rest and life-giving moments it craves so much.
Like sipping a cup of coffee with a good book. Take "Suprised By Joy" for example. This morning was the first time in a long time I've given myself the luxury of stillness with C.S. Lewis. Stillness with anything, in fact. I even made myself coffee. And I know that for me this is rest. The real kind, that fills a person up with strength and gratefulness.
And the Mary in me is actually able to catch a breath this morning. To catch a break. Because she's been locked up far too long, as cruel as that sounds. But sometimes people can be cruel to themselves. I know rest and time with Jesus is so desperately necessary for me to live joyfully and vibrantly. I want to choose the "good part" like Mary did. I want to choose Jesus' presence, the one thing that can not be taken away from me, but is a lasting gift.
He is the one thing that is needed. Such a simple statement. But one that requires such intentionality amidst aaalll the other distractions and to do lists in my life. One thing I do know, is that going from Martha to Mary is not an overnight switch. But I think Jesus can be found in simple things, and small steps, like taking time to make coffee and listen to worship. Taking time to write down thoughts about how I've been living, like I am right now. Taking time to rest, and grow.
"God is gracious". That's what my name, Joanna, means. And His grace surely goes with me wherever I go. It always has. And even in my sad, weak, and altogether pitiful times, He finds a way to remind me that I am His. All my days, Jesus, I am Yours.
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